Heading' For The Top

We should be headin' for the top now

We've had a hundred thousand years

We should've found a little heaven in our soul

That should've washed away the tears

Instead we've wasted all the time

And there's a thousand ways to cry

And in our haste to get a little more from life

We didn't notice that we'd died

I'm heading for the top, right? We all are. I got a fancy new title at work, living it up in some corporate suites, making a good wage. Heading for the top. The top. Of what? Who defined this top and if I'm heading there, why do I feel so miserably low?

Work life has been difficult in this new role. The people are nice on the surface, but I know people. I can read people, I can crease a page of their book and pick up where I left off the day before. I do well to pick up on hints and foreshadowing the author skillfully writes out and I know they are not fully accepting of me. My only ally seems to be my boss, and we all know how shitty of a cliche that turns out to be, we all know how resentful co-workers can be when perceived as the favorite, a teacher's pet. I know they don't really like me, the last thing I need to do is give them yet another reason to shun me.

I'm hundreds and hundreds of miles away from where I belong. I have no passion for this job, yet here I am. At what point to I turn my back on it all and just shoot. Do I love to shoot enough to risk being poor? Enough to struggle, enough to give up on everything that I want in exchange for everything that I need? Do I love it enough to die trying? I'm not happy doing what I'm doing now. I do it for my "wants" in life. Where the hell did I go so wrong?

I've wasted all my time and there really are a thousand ways to cry.